Monday, September 21, 2015

Zen and the Art of Making No Progress

So, a lot's happened since we last talked. For the TL;DR crowd: I haven't written another word on NWB. I know that sucks but I should be getting back to it soon.

I lifted this from his obit on because it's awesome.
For the rest, know that I love you for paying attention even this far. I've been in the mode of saying things like that to people I know / are close to me / are meaningful to me for the last couple of weeks. The largest reason for that is my family just lost a stalwart, good-humored and indefatigable stump of a lovable man in my grandfather.

A week and a half or so ago I started a long post eulogizing him here, as I'd known better than to try at his actual services. I might still finish that post one day soon, but I realized that night, as I had at graveside and at the wake afterward, that I wouldn't be be able to do it without making it about me. It's just how I am and it wouldn't serve anybody but me.

So for now, I'll just say this: his name was Leo Doria and he lived from January 9, 1922 - August 25, 2015. I loved him a hell of a lot and so did an absolutely astounding number of friends and family. He was restless and industrious, he was musical, he was funny and he loved nothing more than taking care of his own and getting us all together.

Which tells you nothing and everything about him, really. You've never met anybody like him.

So I reeled from that (and even more from his slow-then-quick decline) the way I reel from things, which is to say I developed an appetite and ground my concentration down to a nub. That made it tricky for my deteriorating financial situation, particularly for the last few months -- they've been lean, those months, and I've been looking in earnest for a steady gig. I don't think I've been putting my best foot forward. Or at least that's the sense I've had as I got shot down on the heels of several interviews I walked out of with nothing but the highest expectations.

The good news is that I finally broke through and found that steady gig. I won't get too into it here, but the upshot comes to lots of training, travel and cool new toys. Add to that the time recovered from an exhaustive and exhausting job search and tumultuous nature of freelance work, and I should be able to get back into NWB with more consistency. Maybe even (gasp!) finish it. I know.

It only occurred to me in the last couple of days what a shitty stretch that was, and that it looks like I'm mostly through it, sort of all at once. I'll be getting back on something of a schedule, bidding friends and family goodbye-for-now, and settling back into a real work attitude, doing more of what I do well and much less what I do not.

Speaking of which: I have to be up in a few hours to catch a plane. As is so often the case with this blog, I have no clear idea what I've said. I only know I'm raving about being back again for the umpteenth time, but this one feels like it might have some staying power. I finally know how I'm going to get there and that is a whole other way to be.